Sunday, January 30, 2005

Invisibility and confusion

Well I had all these plans to get some stuff done today.... have I done anything? No! Ah, but Sundays are supposed to be a day of rest, right? (Hmm... don't know if my students will buy that excuse if I don't have their stuff marked. OK, so I have to do a LITTLE bit of work today).

I had an interesting experience at lunch today. I went to Reno's, a super swanky establishment of fine dining (HA! Try super duper sketchy greasy spoon), after church today with some folks from the young adult crowd. Most were fine, but I had a few moments that made me kinda sad. I'd start saying something, and I guess one girl just wasn't interested in what I was saying or something, cause she'd start talking over me, and then the conversation would kinda turn to whatever she was saying... it was weird. It was like I didn't exist! I'm pretty sure she didn't do it on purpose, but man, it's kinda odd to just have to trail off cause nobody's listening to what you were saying! I really felt like I was invisible. Oh well... things like that just make me more aware, I guess, so I can be sure not to do that to others!

I got home and have basically just been kicking around all evening... I talked to a friend of mine who just got back from Ireland. She's engaged!!!! I'm not surprised, I was fully expecting her to come back from this visit (her boy lives in Ireland) with a ring. But I'm kinda disappointed, cause she was telling me that they're going to get married in Hawaii in June, just the two of them and their parents. I dunno, I'm disappointed that none of our gang will be able to go to the wedding. She doesn't want a big deal, and doesn't want to plan it, and it's way cheaper to do it that way, but I can't help feeling kinda odd about it. I don't know. Is that selfish of me? Maybe it's just weird cause only three of us (us being our group of friends from university) have ever even met him, and all that was was a tour of a brewery and dinner. Maybe it's just that any of my other friends who've gotten married, I've known the spouses. I guess I'm concerned, partly, too, cause it seems to be a very independent relationship. They met while they were both traveling in Australia, so they don't really know eachother's friends (though she's been to Ireland twice now for visits) and they both don't really talk to their parents too much about stuff... It just seems that the choice of a marriage partner is a big decision, and it seems like, while obviously it's a choice that has to be made by the people involved (DUH!) there should be some kind of input from family and friends. I don't know. Maybe I'm way off. Even as I type that I'm second guessing myself. I don't know why I feel kinda weird about it. Don't get me wrong, I'm SOOO glad that she's happy, and I'm excited for her (even if it does mean that she's moving to Ireland for two years or so), but there's just something nagging at me. It seems like she's isolating herself from friends and her family, I don't know why. Again, maybe I"m way off base. I just love her so much, and want God's best for her! Arg! Why do things have to be so complicated?

Saturday, January 29, 2005


I went to Missions fest today. It was pretty good. I went to a session about being a Christian teacher in the public school system and one of the plenary sessions. Meh, it was alright. Ran into about a bazillion people I knew, many of whom I hadn't seen in a long time. Honestly, that's one of the best parts about Missionsfest! One person I ran into, however, stands out. 'Member the post about my secret identity on internet boy's forum? Well I ran into him today! I knew he might be down there this weekend, but honestly... among how many people and how many different venues?!?!? Of course, I suppose I forgot this is ME we're talking about here! Lil' Miss Run-into-Everybody! So we chatted for a bit, got caught up a bit on what's been gonig on, that kind of thing. But holy awkward, Batman, I already KNEW half the stuff whe was telling me from reading it on the forum!!! I thought about dropping a hint about Walking Cartoon, but then thought better of it. It would have been funny to have seen his face, though! On the other hand, maybe I would have just seen the back of his head as he ran away screaming. Really, I don't know why I even worry about it! GAH! I'm not crazy, I promise! :P

I did stop by at the Camp Kawkawa booth (ah, what a wonderful place!). I think I"m gonna go up for a week, maybe two this summer as a cabin counsellor. It's been two summers now that I haven't been up at all, and I miss it. It's such an amazing time every time I go. It's a place where I can jsut see God working so much clearer. He does AMAZING things in kids in that place. I love to be a part of it. Yay God!!!

Thursday, January 27, 2005

What a difference a day makes!

YAY for Thursdays! Days like today, I can see myself at my school long term. I enjoy what I do, and while I'm not yet where I want to be (will I ever be there?) in terms of my teaching and all that, I can see how I've progressed, and also some steps to take to improve. I can see, too, how it would be so great to be at the school for a bunch'o'years and build up some consistency in the music program. Who knows. You can see just from the past week and a bit how different my thoughts are on my job! Maybe God will drop a big neon flashing sign in front of me saying "DO THIS".

Or maybe not.

Wednesday, January 26, 2005


Wow! Google found my blog. I must be cool. ;) Type in the title of my blog and there ya go! I'm the first one that pops up! Crazy!

Wednesdays suck!

I hate Wednesdays. Or more specifically, Wednesday afternoons. I have the two most challenging classes in the whole school back to back, right after lunch: the French Kindergarten class, and an english grade 6 class. They're insane. The K's are awfully cute, but there about about 6 firecrackers in that class who have NO CONCEPT that there are any other human beings on the planet other than them! No I know, I know, they're only 5, they're supposed to be that way... but not like this. This is so beyond normal it's scary. For example. One boy goes to the bathroom (bathroom breaks are a whole 'nother issue!) with his buddy and when he comes back, the class is in the middle of a song. Half the class is sitting in a circle singing, one student is in the middle playing the tambourine, and the rest are dancing around the outside of the circle. Can we say, MUSIC CLASS IN PROGRESS. This boy comes in, goes straight to another student, starts yelling at him for something, and they start a punching match!!! Now while I go over and deal with that, the other 4 or 5 firecrackers start up. AAAHHHH! Then there's the grade 6 class. There are so many kids in the class with legit issues - major major ADHD and no longer on meds, psychological problems, zero impulse control, etc etc etc.... - and then those who are just acting up. ARG! I won't even go into the ridiculousness I dealt with today. I still have one class after them who by comparison aren't that bad, but still a challenge. I end up every Wednesday feeling like my head is going to explode! It's ridiculous. Ridiculous, I tell you!

OK, so yeah, I'm ranting and raving a lot here. Sorry 'bout that. I just got home and have to get it out before my Bible study gets here... my poor friends, they always get the brunt of it, cause they're here every Wednesday!

AH, but I LOVE Thursdays. Take Wednesday, think the total opposite, and you have Thursday. Sweet Thursday. Glorious Thrusday. Then there's only 4 hours on Friday and the weekend! AAAHHH. I"m relaxing already.

PS. I really do enjoy my job, most of the time! Even Wednesday mornings! They're fine. You're jsut catching me venting. By the time you're reading this, I'm over it, and have moved on to brighter and happier things! Unless of course you're reading this after school on a Wednesday! :P

Tuesday, January 25, 2005

Walking Cartoon says the jig is (almost!) up

Ah... cyberspace anonymity. It can be very fun. Though I'm debating revealing my identity. My only dilemma is that if I do, people may think I'm a creepy stalker lady... which I'm not, of course!!! Read on for the story...

Many moons ago (like in October) I was chatting with someone who I had met online. A few times he sent me a link to this website that he and a bunch of his friends are members of. It's kind of a forum/message board thing. He sent me the link to some jokes he posted, and I continued to browse the forum, just to see what was there, that kind of thing. We eventually stopped writing, but I checked the site every now and then, cause it was kinda interesting to see what people had to say, and also to read the daily jokes that my former pen-pal posts. Sooner or later, I got to thinking it would be fun to post a few replies myself, so I signed up as a member.

BUT, thinking it would be kinda strange for me to just appear on the site, I just made up a knickname (as many of the people on the site have) and kept my info fairly general. I posted here and there, not too often. What I didn't immediately realize, though, was that everybody knows everybody else on the site, so when I started posting, they were curious as to who I was (at first they thought I was someone they knew in disguise). I got a whole thread/topic devoted to "Who is this person?" Well, I couldn't just ignore it, but I also didn't want to use my real name, cause the guy would then know it was me! Aaaw-kward!

Now here is the point I should have just either left the forum or told who I was, but I didn't! I used my middle name (not that bad!) and told them I lived in Vancouver (which I do!). How did I find the site, they asked. Just by fluke I told them. What a lame-o answer. Actually, I said I was trying random URLs (insert your laughter at me here!). Lame lame lame! But that was that, and life continued on.

Now there's no particular reason that I need to divulge my identity. I don't know any of these people (well, except the guy), and I haven't given any info that might make the guy put two and two together. But the more time that passes, the more I feel weird about it! (In kind of a hilarious, what the heck have I gotten myself into kind of way! :D ) Twice now people have suggested that I go hang out with them some time, cause they think it'd be fun to meet me (well, I am a fun person to meet! ;) . They haven't been specific invitations, more like an idea put out there. So I have yet to respond to it. But you can see my dilemma! Oh, and I should mention here, too, that the guy and I met up for coffee once after work, so he would know me if he saw me. Imagine the scenario! "Hi, I'm ___" and the guy goes, "No you're not, you're Hillary! That was YOU?!?!" Like I say. Creepy stalker lady. Except I'm not! (actually, I have no interest in the guy at all! ummm, that sounds mean... he was a nice guy, but not a match for me, and I'm not looking for anything now anyway, simple as that!)

I hope that you are rolling on the floor laughing at me by now! It IS pretty funny. I suppose I could tell them that I'm moving to Iceland and so can't hang out with them. Or that I'm confined to bed because I have some infectious disease. But really... where does the web of lies stop? :P

Ah, the adventures in the world of Hillary! Hmmm... it occurs to me now that all this is because I jsut couldn't keep my mouth shut! I had to say something on the forum instead of just keeping quiet! hahahahahahaha!!! Typical me!

Put yourself in my shoes! What would you do? Anything?

And PS. If by some crazy fluke you are a member of this forum and are reading this going, "Oh my goodness, Oh my gooness, Oh my goodness!" Yup, you found me out! I'm all for hanging out if you're not totally scared of me now! Hee hee!

Phew! It feels good to get that all off my chest! :D

Friday, January 21, 2005

Does anyone even read this thing?

So as I'm typing out random thoughts and snippets of what's going on in my life, I'm wondering who's actually out there reading it? So comment away! Who's out there? Don't be shy, say hello! :D

Boats and other musings

Lately I've been reading a book called "If you want to walk on water you've got to get out of the boat." (ha ha) You know when you read something and it's just so bang on it's scary??? Yeah. Bingo. I really don't want my life to just drift by... go to work, come home, eat supper, watch TV, retire, and die. For a long time now, I've been thinking that I want to live on purpose, to live the crazy adventure God has up his sleeve for me. I read my friend Jamie's updates from YWAM, and SHE is living it... there are unknowns all over the place, and no guarantees, but man, does she live her life with a sense of purpose, and she has a wild ride doing it! So my big questions now, are, "what's my boat?" What is it that I'm not willing/afraid to give up in order to go where God's calling me? And WHERE is God calling me?

Here are some questions that Ortberg (the author) poses in chapter 2...
- What is my deepest dream?
- How much passion do I experience in my daily life?
- What do I want my epitaph to say?
- How much am I growing these days?
- How often do I take risks that require a power greater than my own?
- If I had to name the "one true thing" that I believe I was set on this earth to do, what would it be?
- How clear is it to me?

I guess part of this all stems from the fact that I don't know if I want to stay in teaching. There are lots of things that I like about it, but I dunno... maybe I'm lazy or something, but I don't think I want a career that eats up so much of my life. Of course, that leaves me wondering, "now what???"

So, yeah. That's what I'm thinking about these days... I'm sure more questions will come as I read more of the book and keep thinking about where I want (or rather, where GOD wants) my life to be headed!

Saturday, January 15, 2005

Staving off boredom

Well, it's been 4 days holed up at home feeling crappy... I've been going insane! (hee hee, my insanity isn't WHY I was holed up, just a by-product... yeah yeah, leave me alone! :) ) Anyway, I was sick, but I'm feeling better, yay! We'll see how long this cough lasts, though. I've been doing lots of TV watching, though... I forgot how AWESOME Mr Dressup is! Where are the quality shows like that nowadays, hmmm?

My mom bought me chicken soup yesterday... awwww! Moms are the best! AND she helped me un-decorate from Christmas - my house looks so sad and empty now! LOL, better sad and empty NOW than sad and empty in MARCH, which is when I finally got around to taking down my decorations two years ago! Whoops!

So I actually got out of the house last night... I went to go see the Aviator with my friend Brad. What a crazy movie! Howard Hughes (poor guy!) was not exactly the most sane guy around! Made for a good movie, though.

So, what's on today? I think I"m gonna go for a walk before it starts raining for two weeks straight (ah, Vancouver weather is back, baby!). Then who knows? Oof.. I have a mountain of marking to do! That's what happens when you miss 4 days of work. Sigh. Off I go...